Late Hate Letter

So how was that rule again? “I should say when I want something / what I want”… Ok … There it goes… You probably didn’t mean it as nobody means it unless they expect to hear something nice.

I am hurt. No invulnerable logical explanation available… none that I would feel comfortable with saying loud in front of you… I’m not that good at saying things loud anyway… especially in front of someone… especially you.

I spent the last two days or so crying in various (some really embarrassing) places - including the not-at-all-water-proof-keyboard of my (actually the company’s) laptop - and the last two nights drinking unbelievable quantities of red wine (…who on earth taught me this?) (…which didn’t really help… well… as far as I remember) trying desperately to wrap up my dilemmas in an ingestible package. (Not being able to open the last goddamn bottle of wine didn’t help to build my self-esteem.)

“You are thinking too much” you would say… and you would be (partially) right… I am also feeling too much … much too much (can you say that in English?) … ok-ok… a lot. So - the first of the numerous valuable conclusions I reached (clear mind - short time - lots of handkerchiefs) is that I’m to blame. Why? Well - first of all - for not being able to communicate so that you could instantly hate me and then I could have the two-years-cool-down-period and then (as I am clearly unable to learn from my own mistakes) try again… and again… and…